I look better un-naked...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize