i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
