my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
