you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
