I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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