guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
