we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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