Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
the raccoons are back...
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