hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
