Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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