is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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