Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
