he shaved USA in his pubs
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
