oh god the rape fog is back!
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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