it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
