I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
