In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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