Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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