I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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