he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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