Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I have fence marks all over my body
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
