I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I could fuck to npr.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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