took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize