is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
