all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We got so high we made milksteak
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
