After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
