dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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