just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
