oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
