I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
