apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
