a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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