Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
