Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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