Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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