i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
