I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
