Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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