I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
