It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
