A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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