He had one of those small greek statue penises
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
