I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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