I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
