I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
