Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
