imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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