Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
