drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
