Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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