My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
