I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
