im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
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