Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
