Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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