Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
