I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize