im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
