Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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