Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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