I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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