Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
COCAINE IS GR8
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