You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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