I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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