someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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