its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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