Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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