Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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