New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
