it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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