why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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