I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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