I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize