some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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