Will you blow on my dice?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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