I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
