There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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